Coping
by Awesomerigby
Summary: Barney is overwhelmed by his divorce, and after a heart to heart with Lily, he knows he wants to be with Robin again. Swarkles, Marshall and Lily, Ted and Tracy
1. Chapter 1

**Coping**

The day after the Halloween party, Lily called Barney and demanded he come over; she wouldn't take no for answer. She also didn't take too kindly to Barney coyly suggesting the reason she wanted him was to sleep with him. That actually made her yell at him even louder, and he hung up on her. He considered just staying home, but quickly realized that if he didn't show, she'd probably kill him the next she saw him.

"What is it?" he asked when she opened the door.

"Get in here," she said sharply. "And it's not for anything disgusting!"

"Pardon me for thinking that."

After Lily shut the door, she spun on her heel to face Barney. Her hands were resting on her very pregnant belly-which would produce a child any moment now, and Barney hoped it didn't happen while he was in the apartment-and she had a glare on her face that made Barney _really_ hope she didn't go into labor because she was already angry, and if she was angry while in labor, she'd probably tear his arm off.

"You're a jerk," she said hatefully.

Barney flinched. "What did I do?"

"Robin left last night."

"Yeah… Yeah, I noticed that." He didn't have much of a conversation with Robin last night, but how does one make a conversation with his ex-wife any less awkward? Though the divorce was mutual, the idea of talking to her made him nervous, and he was sure she felt the same way when she saw him. "Did she say why?"

"Because of you!" she shouted.

"What did I do?" he asked again, a bit louder this time.

"Do you think it's easy for her, Barney?" Lily asked. "Seeing you flirt with all those girls last night? It's like when you broke up the first time. You found her in the shooting range."

"Y-yeah." He did remember that time. He half expected Robin to turn the gun on him. "We talked about that. She said I made her feel like just another number…"

"She probably feels that way now."

"How could she feel that way? I… Robin's not just another number. I just…" He stopped himself. Lily continued to glare at him, her hands rubbing her stomach as though the baby sensed her anger and was causing chaos in her womb.

"You just what? You just think that because you're not married anymore you can go right back to the way you were?"

"No. I…" He closed his eyes.

"Then, what, Barney? What is it?" Her voice had gotten louder, and Barney was grateful that Marvin and Daisy were at school and daycare because if they weren't, the room would be filled with piercing shrieks.

"It's not easy for me, Lily!" he finally shouted, opening his eyes to reveal tears. "I'm a mess." He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, feeling completely foolish for breaking down in front of her. He had always managed to stay composed, to make them think that though the divorce was hard, he was dealing with it. The truth was, he hated it. Every night, he went to bed thinking about Robin. He woke up every morning, expecting her to be there. And every girl he bedded since the divorce never gave him the same pleasure he got when he was with her. "This is the only way I can deal with it."

Lily was stunned. Her hands dropped away from her stomach, and her glare was soft. She reached out a hand and took Barney's in hers. "Barney… why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I'm used to dealing with things on my own."

"But this is destructive."

"I know," he said softly. "But, it's the only way I know how." He took a deep breath. "I love her, Lily."

Lily stepped closer and wrapped her arms around him, getting as close as her pregnancy allowed. Barney buried his head into her red hair, and he cried. It was much more than the few tears he had moments before. His shoulders were shaking with sobs that Lily allowed him to unburden on her shoulder.

By the time it felt as though his tears were all dried up, he lifted his head and smiled at his friend. The situation still left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he felt better. For the first time since the divorce, he felt as though he could move on. Though he couldn't get the notion out of his head that maybe, just maybe, he and Robin could be together again.

 **AN: I am so bitter that Robin got her whole breakdown scene concerning Barney flirting with other girls in front of her, and Barney didn't. None of his friends realized that his regression was self-destructive and it meant that he wasn't coping well, and none of his friends thought to comfort him. I thought that if any of his friends, Lily, would be the one he would unburden to, considering Lily was the first he told about his feelings for Robin in the first place. There may be more chapters because I need to have some Swarkles interaction, for sure.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Barney pretended to be happy with every girl he had in his bed, but after they left and he was left alone with the thoughts he was able to block during sex, he would open a secret compartment in the back of his dresser where his wedding ring lay. It didn't collect dust because nearly every night he would take it out and gaze at it as it lay against his palm. And each time, he would remember those moments with Robin. Moments he wouldn't trade for anything, even if all they did right now was cause him pain. He wondered if Robin kept hers and if she had these moments, like he did.

After baring his soul to Lily, who was definitely going to tell Marshall, Barney considered what his next move would be. Going home to wallow in his own self pity while holding his wedding ring seemed like a good option, until he remembered why Lily called him over in the first place: to chew him out. Instead of going straight home, he headed to Robin's new place in the city.

He stood in front of her apartment, suddenly unsure. What if she saw him and slammed the door in his face? What if this divorce and his actions after it had damaged their relationship permanently, and they couldn't hope to be anything more than an ex-wife and ex-husband?

Shaking that thought of his head-the thought of having nothing to do with Robin was almost too much to bear-Barney raised his hand and knocked on her door. He waited patiently for a few moments as he heard Robin's shuffling feet and mutterings. When she answered it, she was in her towel, water dripping off her hair and glistening on her shoulders. She stared at Barney in surprise; he was probably the last person she expected to see.

"Barney."

"Hi. Uh… is this a bad time?"

She pushed some wet hair out of her eyes and said, "No. I was just taking a shower, but come in." She opened the door and Barney stepped inside. He lingered by the sofa as she shut the door and turned to face him. "What's up?"

Barney's breath caught in his throat. "Maybe I should come back when you're dressed."

Robin chuckled. "It's not the first time you've seen me in a towel."

"True. It has been a while, in fact."

"Yeah." She rubbed the back of her neck. "So, what's up?" she asked again. She sounded uncomfortable, and though she invited him in, she wanted to get this over with. That was probably why she invited him in the first place even though she was in the middle of a shower. If he told her now, he wouldn't have to come back, and he didn't think she wanted to see him any more than she had to.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"About last night. Lily told me…"

"Damn her," Robin muttered.

Barney laughed. "Yeah, she can't keep a secret. Why do we tell her things? We know she's going to blab…" His laughter died out, and he cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She waved him off. "That's just how you are."

She sounded casual, but to Barney, she was resentful. She hated that he was doing this, and he hated that he was doing this, too. He also hated how matter-of-factly she said it, as though that was how he was.

He sighed. "I don't want to be like that."

"Your attitude certainly changed because last night, you were all over those girls."

Before Robin arrived, he only flirted with a few of the girls at the party. Once he saw her, he upped his game and went to every other single girl there. As soon as he saw her, the pain came bubbling back, and he had to jump into the fray to prevent a breakdown.

"It's fine," she said, though she didn't sound fine at all. "We're divorced. You can do whatever you want."

"But, I don't want to do that."

Robin rolled her eyes and scoffed. "You weren't exactly avoiding those girls last night, Barney." He saw her purse her lips and close her eyes. It was only for a second, but Barney knew that look. She always did that when she was trying to hold back tears, and the guilt burned away at him.

"I'm sorry I lied to you," he said softly.

"What do you mean?"

"In Argentina when you asked me if I wanted a way out." It seemed like only yesterday, when it had only been a few months. "I took it because I didn't want you to feel like I was holding you back. I didn't want you resent me for keeping you chained in New York." He watched her mouth drop open. "And I know you only gave me the way out because you didn't want me to have to follow you through country after country." Her expression didn't change. "The truth is, I would've followed you anywhere."

"Barney…"

"Robin, this divorce is killing me!" he finally shouted. He put a hand into his pocket, hoping that perhaps he slipped the wedding ring in there, but he found nothing but lint. "That's why I do this! I have to keep myself busy, or else I will lose it. And even then, I'm this close. I think about you all the time." He couldn't believe he was breaking down twice in one week, but here he was, the tears glistening in his blue eyes.

"Barney…" she said again, stepping closer to him. He could see the water droplets on her skin more clearly now.

"I love you," he said.

With all that said, he was ready to go home, to find the ring in the back of his dresser and go through another night thinking of the better times in their relationships. Robin put her hands on his shoulders before he could move. She gazed into his eyes, and he found himself getting lost in hers. Without a word, she leaned up and pressed her lips to his.

The kiss started off chaste, but that was short lived when Barney opened his mouth against hers and pulled her against his body. Robin ran her fingers through his hair, and Barney let out a soft moan.

She broke the kiss for a second. "I still need to take a shower."

A smile spread across his face. "I'm feeling a bit grimy myself."

He kissed her again, and they kissed their way into Robin's bedroom and into the bathroom where the shower was still running. Together, they shed their garments and as they made love underneath the hot water, there was no way Barney could ever describe how this woman made him feel.

"I love you," he said. "God, I love you."

"I love you, too…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Barney woke up in Robin's bed, her head resting on his bare chest. He looked at her and smiled. He recalled every time he woke up like this, her sleeping soundly against him. Seeing her right now made it seem as though they never divorced. He ran his fingers over her arm and let out a sigh as he turned his gaze to the ceiling. The truth of the matter was they were divorced. This moment of passion was temporary, and Barney knew that when he went home, it would be even harder to get her out of his head.

Robin moaned softly, and Barney looked back at her just as her eyes were opening. "Hey," she said groggily.

"Hey." He was tempted to lean forward to kiss her, as he did most times he woke up next to her in bed; he restrained himself.

"What time is it?"

He glanced over at the clock on her nightstand. "A little past 4. Why, you have plans?" He tried not to sound jealous, but he was afraid it leaked into his question anyway. He had no right to feel jealous. They were no longer bound to one another and Robin was free to date anyone she pleased.

"No," she answered. "Well, I was going to go to Maclaren's and see the gang tonight."

"Ah."

"You wanna go?"

"Sounds great."

Robin smiled, though Barney noticed she seemed uncomfortable. If he was being honest, he was uncomfortable too. The sex was great-even better than usual since it was desperate and in the shower-but it still didn't change the fact that Barney and Robin shouldn't have done it at all. They didn't have a friends with benefits arrangement, and he knew it was going to make both of them feel pretty awful once they parted ways again.

"I should go," he offered before she had a chance to suggest it.

Robin nodded. "I'll see you at about 6?"

"Yeah."

Without making eye contact, Barney quickly changed back into his suit and was out of Robin's apartment. He wondered what was going on in her head.

* * *

Robin cuddled the sheets up to her chest as she stared at the open door Barney just walked through. Being with him felt great. Well, it actually felt awful. Was it possible to feel great and awful at the same time? Robin couldn't believe that question crossed her head. There were so many moments in her life where she felt a combination of the two. The first time she slept with Barney, she felt awful for sleeping with Ted's really good friend-though Barney would later correct her that he was Ted's best friend-and she felt great for being able to share that night of passion with Barney. Even though, at that point, she thought it would be a one time deal, it was a night she would never forget. She also felt that way when she went to the roof of the WWN building and found Barney's play. Seeing that Barney loved her all along made her feel wonderful, but knowing that he had concocted this elaborate lie made her angry. Still, that anger went away when she found out the scheme was not to just get Robin to date him again, but to get him to marry him. _Step 16,_ she remembered the back of the page saying, _Hope she says yes._ And when she saw him on his knee with the ring held out, her heart nearly stopped. Of course she said yes.

And, yet, here they were. Three years later, and they ended it. Only three years… when she thought they would last. She realized Barney was right. Neither of them wanted the divorce. She only offered it to him because she didn't want him to resent her for dragging him around the world because of her job. To hear him tell her that he loved her still…

"Ugh," she groaned, falling onto the pillow. "How could I be so stupid?" She did love Barney as well, but it was stupid to sleep with him. It just made things more awkward, and now, she was going to see him at Maclaren's, and they would look at each other, and they would know that no matter how much they loved each other and how compatible they were, they couldn't go back to the way things were.

She got out of bed and slipped into the shower. She actually didn't get very clean when she was in there earlier.

* * *

Barney went to Maclaren's at about 6, just as Robin had said. She wasn't there yet, but Marshall, Lily, Ted, and Tracy were at their usual booth. He ordered a scotch, pulled up a chair, and sat next to them.

"Hey, Barney," Lily said.

"Hey, buddy." Lily had the decency not to look sympathetic, but Marshall was staring at him as though he were a child that just lost his favorite toy. Barney hated it. He never thought he'd wish for a slap.

"I'm fine," he said to Marshall.

"Are you, though?" Ted asked.

"Are you serious, Lily? You told Ted?"

Lily glared at Marshall. "Did I tell Ted, Marshall?"

Marshall didn't meet her eye, and Barney knew that if Marshall was anyone else, she'd be giving him her "you're dead to me" look. He had to consider himself lucky not to be on the receiving end of that.

"In answer to your question, Ted," Barney said. "I am fine."

"I'm surprised you guys needed him telling you," Tracy spoke up. "I could tell Barney was struggling with the divorce from the way he's been acting."

Barney smiled. Even though his friends couldn't put it together, it was nice that Tracy picked up on it. She had helped him once before, seeing that his behavior was a self destructive way not to dwell on the fact he screwed up with Robin in the first place.

"I'm sorry for not approaching you," Tracy said, patting his hand. "I figured you needed some time."

"Thanks. Hell of a girl you picked, Ted."

Ted grinned and put his arm around Tracy, kissing her cheek. "Don't I know it."

At that moment, Robin arrived. Barney could see that she showered again; he did, too. She smiled as she pulled up a chair and sat next to Barney. He noticed she scooted a little ways away from him, so their shoulders weren't touching.

"Hey," she said. "How's it going?"

"Great!" Barney was the first to speak. "And yourself? I'm sure you've just been really busy lately."

Robin shot him a look, but answered, "Yeah, I've been busy. Reporting stuff."

"How long are you in New York?" Tracy asked.

"Not sure. They haven't given me a new assignment out of the country yet, but we'll see."

Barney sipped at his scotch, remembering when they started going out of the country for Robin's work. Even though it grew increasingly frustrating, he never resented her for it. He wished she never offered him the 'way out.'

"I think it's so cool you get to travel," Tracy said fondly. "You must love seeing all those new places."

Robin nodded. "Yeah… yeah." Her voice got softer, and Barney wondered what was on her mind. Was she getting tired of moving from place to place? Or was she thinking of the way the traveling prompted her to let go of him? "You and Ted should do some traveling sometime."

Ted shrugged. "I'd like to, but it's kind of hard when you have a kid."

"In a few years, maybe," Tracy said. She laced her fingers with Ted's, and inspired by her act of affection, Marshall did the same to Lily. Lily grinned at her husband, her grip on his hand tightening. Barney looked over at Robin's hand, which was resting on the table, and he had a sudden urge to take it. After what they had done earlier that day, perhaps hand-holding wouldn't be such a big deal, but he still restrained himself. Robin might not have the reaction he was hoping for.

His eyes moved upwards until they were resting on her face. She was still as beautiful as the day he met her in Maclaren's all those years ago. Of course, back then, he was trying to get her for Ted, so she was off limits. He was always attracted to her, but if anyone told him that only three years down the line, she would have his heart, he would've said they were crazy. And yet, here they were, recently married and freshly divorced, and she still had it. He wondered if he still had hers.

Robin must've felt his eyes on her because she slowly turned to face him. Her lips were parted, but Barney couldn't read her expression. Then, she smiled softly and reached out to take his hand, just as Marshall and Tracy had done. Barney didn't know what it meant-she could've just felt lonely around these couples or that moment in her shower actually meant something-but he didn't care. He missed the feel of her hand in his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Barney decided he needed to know where their relationship was going. So, two days after their tryst at her apartment and their somewhat romantic moment at Maclaren's, he arranged to meet Robin in Central Park. He had taken her there after the wedding. They didn't say a word to each other; they just held hands and walked, and it felt so right.

Robin was there before he was. He didn't tell her why he wanted to meet up, but from the look of anxiety on her face, she knew what he wanted to talk about.

"Hey," he said, approaching her.

"Hey."

Now that he was here, bringing up the subject was far more difficult than he had imagined. He couldn't seem to get the words out of his mouth. She stood there, waiting patiently because it was clear she was not going to be the first person to talk.

"You look good," he said finally. He sighed. He remembered the times where he could just say what was on his mind, but around her, he just became a bumbling mess.

"Thanks." He hoped for a moment that she would take pity on the way he was fumbling, but she did no such thing. She just stood there and bit her lip.

"We need to talk," he said before he could give himself any chances to back out. "When we… were together a couple days of ago… did that…?" He sighed. "Did that mean anything?"

He was reminded of the time they cheated on their significant others. She had asked him the same thing, and he responded with "of course it did." It did. It meant something then, and it meant something now, and it meant something every time he was with her, even that first time meant something even if he had no idea how deeply it would affect him.

Robin didn't answer immediately. Barney tried not to let it bother him. This was a pretty loaded question, but the fact that she had to think about it meant she wasn't sure. Back then, she said it didn't mean anything, and he knew she wanted to believe that so badly that she couldn't bring herself to tell Kevin the truth. That memory still stung.

"I don't know," she finally said. "It was amazing, Barney. Like always," she added with a sheepish smile that he couldn't find in him to return. "But… we've moved on."

"I haven't. You have?"

She nodded. Barney couldn't understand how she could've moved on so quickly. They had only been divorced for a few months. Even when they dated for a few months, he couldn't move on. How could she move on after three years of marriage?

He decided not to bombard her with questions. He looked down at his feet. "Okay."

"I'm sorry, but it can't be anything." He snapped his eyes back to hers. "I'm not in New York permanently. I'll be getting more assignments. I'll be going around the globe. If we get back together, nothing will have changed."

"But, I told you I'd follow you," he said desperately. He meant it. It didn't matter if he got frustrated with their lifestyle; he knew that she was often frustrated with it. He just wanted to be with her. He didn't want to be the fifth wheel while Marshall, Lily, Ted, and Tracy went out for drinks. He didn't want them smiling and holding hands while he sipped at his scotch, longing for Robin. Being the fifth wheel was so much easier when Ted and Robin were together because, back then, he would have no problems living the single life, picking up chicks. Now, he loved the girl in front of him, and nothing would change that.

Robin pursed her lips. "Barney, I won't let you do that."

He felt a surge of anger run through him. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do, Robin."

She closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were shining with the tears she had been unable to repress. "I don't want you to come with me."

It felt as though a bucket of ice water was poured over him. Time seemed to stop. "B-but…"

"I don't want to deal with your frustrations as well as my own! I'm sorry, Barney. It's not happening."

He took a deep breath through his nostrils and allowed his muscles to unclench. Slowly, he nodded. "Fine. I'm sorry to have wasted your time. And I'm sorry for sleeping you all those years ago," he added before he could stop himself. "It would've saved me a whole lot of heartache." He walked away, and he could feel her eyes on his back. He regretted it as soon as it left his lips, but it was too late to turn back.

* * *

Robin watched Barney leave. Did he really say he regretted the moment that set their relationship in motion? Did he regret everything they had gone through together? Robin shook her head, knowing it wasn't true. Barney was upset; so was she. After their first breakup, she had actually wished they never dated at all, but she got over it because she cherished their time together. And, even though their marriage was over, she cherished all that time with him, and she knew he did, too, even if it didn't seem like it at the moment.

She was sorry she had to reject him like that. The passion they shared a couple of days ago probably got his hopes up, and it didn't help that she told him she loved him too and held his hand in Maclaren's. She didn't mean to do it; it was just so annoying to see Ted and Tracy, and Marshall and Lily holding hands, and she just did it. If only she hadn't… all three things combined had Barney hoping they could reconcile. Robin actually considered it. Except, she couldn't do that to him again. He said he would've followed her, but she knew that when the assignments came pouring in, they would be right back where they started, and she couldn't go through that again.

Robin sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She didn't have time to worry about this relationship anymore. It was over. They had signed the divorce papers, and though they relapsed, it didn't matter. They weren't together anymore, and they wouldn't be together again. That was that. So, why did some part of her wish that wasn't that?

* * *

 _I don't want you come with me._ She said it so calmly, as though she had been preparing for this moment since they slept together. Of course, that didn't mean that Robin felt calm as she said it. Barney knew her well enough to know that she kept things locked in, just like he did. In fact, it was one of the things that attracted him to her. They were alike in that way, and together, they were able to open up. It was disappointing that she felt she had to revert to that way now that they weren't together.

He didn't take Robin's inner feelings into consideration when she said those words, though. At that moment, the way she said them made his stomach churn. He had hoped in the time-which was going by in slow, agonizing ticks-that led up to those words, she would tell him that she wanted him with her. When she said it, she froze. It was just like when he expected-foolishly expected-her to break up with Kevin to be with him. The memory of that slow shake of her head was forever ingrained in his brain.

He should apologize. For expecting more than she was willing to give-who was he, Ted? And for telling her he was sorry for sleeping her all those years ago. Because he wasn't. That first night with her-even though it ended in pain that was later resolved-was amazing. It gave him a taste of Robin, and he would always want more. The fact that he got more than he bargained for was enough to last him for a lifetime.

He was about to call her when he decided against it. It was too soon. He didn't really want to hear her voice. He didn't even want to think about her, but she was always on his mind. Instead, he went to Ted's.

"Hey," Ted said when he answered the door. He ushered Barney in. "You alright?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm _awesome!_ "

Ted chuckled lightly. "As always. Well, sit down. You want a drink?"

"Water is fine."

While Ted was in the kitchen, Tracy entered the room, carrying baby Penny in her arms. Penny was clutching her mother tightly, sobs racking her tiny body.

"Oh, Barney."

"Hey, Tracy."

"Are you alright?" He wasn't surprised that her eyes narrowed when he opened his mouth to tell her he was alright because she already looked through him once before. She patted Penny on the back as she sat next to him. "Robin trouble?"

"What's that?" Ted asked as he came back into the room. He tossed Barney the bottle of water.

"Robin trouble," Tracy repeated, looking over at her fiancé.

"I thought you said you were awesome, Barney."

"You really thought he was awesome? I mean, yeah, you're totally awesome," Tracy added when Barney's mouth dropped open in offense. "But, obviously, he's troubled. Oh, Penny…" She tried rocking her, but the little girl would not let up.

"May I?" Barney asked, and Tracy handed her daughter to him. Barney smiled at Penny and said, "Hey, there. It's your Uncle Barney." She stopped crying at once. "Would you look at that?" He rocked her gently, feeling proud for doing what Tracy couldn't do. "Barney always calms the ladies."

"Okay, can you not?" Ted asked. "So, Robin trouble?"

Barney rolled his eyes. "Fine. Normally, I'd go to Lily about this, but she'd just tell Marshall, and he'd give me that sympathetic tone."

"You do know that when you tell us we're totally telling Marshall and Lily, right?"

"Yeah, but I figure with you, I've got at least a day or two. Anyway… a couple of days ago, I went to Robin's, and we ended up doing it in the shower."

"I noticed you were a bit awkward that night," Tracy pointed out.

"Yeah. Today, I met her in Central Park to talk about us." He shrugged. "She doesn't want any future between us. She told me she moved on, and she doesn't want me to come with her."

Ted and Tracy exchanged looks. Ted said, "Well, Barney, Robin's going to have assignments, and that life is the reason you divorced."

"I know that!" Penny fussed and Barney rocked her. "I didn't want the divorce, but what could I do? And I want to be with her."

Ted patted Barney's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I don't know what we can say, but… it sucks." He smiled sadly at his friend. "Maybe it's time you moved on. Find someone new."

Barney didn't answer to that. It was hard enough to settle down in the first place. How could he be expected to find that same connection with someone else? And besides, the challenge didn't bother him. He didn't want someone else. He wanted Robin.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Robin was glad when her phone rang, and she got a new assignment. This time, she would be covering the opening of some huge shopping mall in London. She hated going anywhere near malls, let alone reporting them, but this was the first assignment she got out of the country in a few months. And after what happened with Barney, she would feel better if they had an ocean between them, for now.

She still saw Barney, though, when Lily and Marshall invited her to dinner at their apartment, which they would hopefully move out of soon before she had the new baby. They had invited Ted and Tracy and Barney as well, and Robin didn't think it would be polite to turn them down. She was leaving for London in a handful of days, and she wasn't sure when she'd see them next.

"Come on in!" Lily exclaimed when she answered the door. Though she spoke excitedly, Robin could see she held a sadness in her eyes. She knew it was because of the whole Barney situation-it didn't surprise her that she knew-and perhaps she was hoping that things would work out. Perhaps she was thinking that if they had worked out, she would be inviting Robin and Barney in as they came over together.

Or maybe Robin was seeing things. Maybe she was the one who felt disappointed not to arrive at Lily and Marshall's with Barney, not to laugh with him on the drive up on there, not to be on his arm as they climbed the stairs past Maclaren's bar and saw their friends.

"Thanks," she said, entering the apartment. She had been in here so many times. It held so many memories. Her budding relationship with Ted, moving in even though it would be awkward with her ex, having a friends with benefits relationship with said ex, seeing Barney that very week and hearing him tell her he loved her, though she didn't understand how fully he meant it at the time.

Just as that memory crossed her mind, she saw him standing near the window, a glass of wine in his hand. He was laughing with Ted about something. Robin was sure she could hear what they were talking about if she tried, but her ears just didn't seem to be working.

"Oh, hi, Robin!" Tracy said, coming into Robin's field of vision.

"Hi, Tracy. You manage to get a sitter?"

"For once. Hopefully there won't be any problems tonight."

Robin hoped so, too.

* * *

They sat around the couch when dinner was served. Marshall and Lily worked together to whip up a three course meal that consisted of caesar salad, roasted chicken with mashed potatoes and garlic bread, and a red velvet cake for dessert, which was still in the oven as they enjoyed their dinner.

Robin was surprised how easy it seemed to be. She expected a lot of awkward tension, particularly between her and Barney, but he kept a cordial smile on his face and never left her out of any conversation.

"She is such a good wingman," Barney said, pointing at Robin. "She even suited up!" He shot a glare in Ted's direction.

"Good for her," Ted shot back.

"Hey, it was a pretty fun night," Robin said, taking a sip of her drink. It was the night she found out just how much she and Barney had in common. At that point, though, she was against any romantic or sexual relationship with him whatsoever. It was funny how that changed. It was even funnier how she adapted that same mindset again.

"The best memory for me was the slap bet," Marshall said fondly.

"Your best memory is my worst pain?" Barney demanded, though Robin could tell by the slight glance at her, that the slap was not his worst pain.

Marshall laughed. "Seeing you on your guard every second of every day…"

"Your husband is a douche," he said to Lily.

"As former slap bet commissioner, I don't agree with your assessment, Mr. Stinson."

Tracy laughed. She got more than she bargained for when she married into this circus, but she fit in well. Robin was really happy for Ted. She didn't think she ever saw him smile this way with any other girl. And… Barney never smiled at anyone the way he smiled at Robin.

"I have an announcement," Robin said suddenly, cutting into Marshall's cruel laughter and Barney's shouts. "I got a new assignment. It's… the opening of a mall." She expected them to laugh at that.

"You gonna wear that jacket and tease your hair?" Barney asked. "You have to sing "Let's Go To The Mall." I will totally record that!"

Robin didn't have it in her to bicker with him, no matter how badly she wanted to. "It's in London."

Barney's laughter died on his lips, and he gazed at her. "London?"

"Yeah…" She looked over at her other friends, not really to see their reactions, but to avoid Barney's. "I leave in a few days."

"That's great, Robin," Tracy said, pulling her into a hug. "London sounds so lovely."

"Thanks. Yeah, I'm really excited. But, I am not singing "Let's Go To The Mall" on live television, Barney!" She laughed awkwardly. Like his laughter, hers died on her lips when she finally met his eyes. He wasn't laughing or teasing her. He was simply staring at her, his mouth open.

* * *

He didn't understand why he was so upset. Robin closed the door on any relationship between the two of them, so it shouldn't be upsetting that she was going out of the country. Except, he was holding onto the idea that they could make it work. He figured Robin just needed some time to work out her feelings, and when she did, their relationship would be back on track. If she was going to London-for who knows how long-she could easily meet some attractive British guy and start a whole new life without him.

He wasn't going to make a scene, not in front of all his friends, so he merely smiled and said, "That's great, Robin."

"Thanks, Barney."

"Be sure to pick me up some British stuff. Like that 'Doctor Who' I've been hearing so much about."

She cracked a smile. "Will do."

"Don't forget to text," Lily said hopefully. "We'd love to hear from you while you're away."

Barney knew Lily was saying this for his benefit. Since the divorce, Robin avoided calling or texting Barney while she was out of the country. Robin just smiled and nodded, though he wasn't holding his breath for a message of any sort.

"I think we should eat dessert," Marshall said. "I'll get it out of the oven." He disappeared into the kitchen and returned with the red velvet cake. The smell was delicious, and Barney was glad for something sweet.

"This is so good. This is from scratch?" Ted asked.

"Let's go with that," Marshall answered.

"I can see the box on the counter," Barney commented, and true enough, the cake mix was sitting on the counter for everyone to see. "Should've thrown it away."

Marshall shrugged. "I'm not ashamed. This cake is damn good!"

"And if my baby wanted to bake a cake from scratch, you can bet your asses he could do it!" Lily shouted.

Barney chuckled. It was nice to have friends that could make him laugh, even when he was still a mess about the whole situation. He glanced at Robin, and even she was laughing. He wondered if she was a mess as well.

"When are you leaving exactly?" He found himself asking.

"Huh? Oh, on Saturday at 7."

"Do you need a ride to the airport? I can get Ranjit."

"No, that's fine."

"Oh. Okay."

Why did he even ask her that? Things were awkward enough between them, and of course, it wasn't as if he was only going to have Ranjit pick her up. He was going to be there, too, and she probably knew that, and she wouldn't want him to be with her when she went to the airport because he would try to convince her either not to go or let him go with her.

"Sorry."

"Why are you apologizing? Are you turning more Canadian?"

Robin smiled thinly and ate a forkful of cake without a further word.

Barney sighed and pressed his back into the couch, his eyes meeting Ted's who was sitting right next to him. Over the years as Ted's best friend-Marshall would tell everyone otherwise, but he knew the truth-he was able to read his expression.

 _Let it go,_ Ted told him.

 _I can't._

 _I know it's hard, believe me, but you can find someone else._ Ted glanced over at Tracy for a split second before returning his gaze to Barney. _I did, and Tracy is my true soulmate._

Barney rolled his eyes. Ted needed to understand that it was different for him. He and Robin were not meant to be, no matter how badly Ted wanted to believe it all those years ago. Ted was always meant to find and be with Tracy. He and Robin, on the other hand, were meant to be together. They understood each other in a way that none of their former lovers did. When he told Robin that they hadn't stop thinking about each other since their first breakup, he knew it was true.

Except, it didn't really matter. Even if they were meant to be, it didn't change the fact that she shot down any future. He didn't have to let it go, but he had to let _her_ go. Even if it hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Can you give me a ride to the airport tomorrow?" Before he could respond, she added, "I know I said I didn't need a ride, but I really need to talk to you." She thanked him when she said he would take her, and she hung up the phone and checked to make sure she had everything she needed for however long this assignment would take.

He was a little late. Robin stood outside her apartment, clutching her heavy coat to her body as she shivered in the dawn New York air. She told him to be there at 5:00, so they would have time to talk before her flight began to board. She checked her watch. It was 5:10. It wasn't too late, she realized. Her anxiety had to do with the upcoming conversation rather than missing her flight.

"Finally!" she called out when he pulled in front of her building. He didn't drive much, preferring to avoid the hassle by taking cabs, but it meant a lot that he did this for her. She grabbed her luggage and went to the trunk as he met up with her.

"Thanks, Ted," she said as he helped her load her suitcases. "I appreciate it."

He smiled. "No problem." His hair was a mess. He was getting no sleep as it was with the baby, and she felt kind of bad for forcing him out of his warm bed with Tracy to help her. He always took time for her, and she valued his friendship so much.

Once they were both settled in the car, Ted turned the key and off they drove. He glanced at her, and she knew he was waiting for her to speak. After all, she told him she needed to talk, but now that they were alone, she found it hard to say anything.

"Take your time," he said.

Robin took a deep breath. "This whole thing with Barney has really stressed me out."

"I'm not surprised."

She stared at her left hand. She could still see the mark where her wedding band was. Sometimes, it felt odd to see it gone. Sometimes, she woke up, thinking she and Barney were still together until she looked over to his side of the bed and found it empty.

"Do you still love him?" Ted asked suddenly, and she stopped looking at her hand to look at him. The way Ted said it was odd. It didn't sound like he was asking a question that he didn't know the answer to.

Robin didn't say anything immediately. Was she supposed to say 'no?' Would that make these feelings in her go away?

"Yes," she said.

"Then, what's the problem?"

"Ted, I can't just throw away my life for him!"

"From what I hear from Barney, he was never expecting you to do that." He sighed. "He said he'd follow you."

Robin hated hearing those words. She couldn't bear the idea that Barney would follow her and be unhappy with their life together. "He doesn't know what he's saying."

Ted shrugged. "It sounds to me like he does."

She glared at him. "I didn't ask you to talk so you can try and convince me to go back to him."

"Sorry. I crossed a line, I know. But…" He chanced another glance in her direction before turning his eyes back to the road. "What do _you_ want, Robin? Really?"

Robin had to think about it. She wanted to feel at peace. She wanted to rid herself of these horrible feelings she had since the divorce. She wanted to move on with her life because, even though she told Barney she had, she hadn't. And sleeping with him that day made it even worse.

"I don't know," she answered truthfully.

"Well… take the time to figure it out before you decide what to do. And I'll support whatever decision you make."

Robin smiled and took Ted's free hand. "Thanks, Ted."

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Lily exclaimed when Barney answered the door. He was irritable. It was 5:50 in the morning, and though he always claimed to be awesome, his hair was a mess and he was exhausted, and he just couldn't sleep.

"Why shouldn't I be in my own apartment?" He asked. "What are you doing here?" She was fully dressed in a blue dress, black coat, tights, boots, and a beanie.

"You're not going to the airport to stop Robin?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because it's the most romantic scenario ever!" She squealed. "You burst into the airport just as Robin is about to board and profess your love for her! She won't be able to resist."

"Lily, this is not some sappy romance movie," he told her. "I'm done chasing her."

Lily's smile fell. "Barney, you and Robin still love each other, I know it."

"Robin told me it was over. I'm not going to make a fool of myself, especially not in front of people."

"You make a fool out of yourself in front of us all the time."

"Yeah, but you guys are different."

Lily crossed her arms, but Barney didn't budge. He wasn't going to say the thought hadn't occurred to him, but he knew better than to cross Robin's boundaries. Begging her to take him back in public would not only end with them not as a couple, it would also end with them not as friends, and the thought of Robin out his life was not something he was willing to imagine.

"What is that?" she asked suddenly, and Barney-overcome with exhaustion-had no idea what she was going on about. Then, she reached out a hand and grabbed his left hand, revealing that he was wearing his wedding band on his ring finger. "Barney!"

He jerked his hand away. "It's nothing." He ran his finger over the ring, the metal cool under his touch.

"Barney?" a soft voice came from the hallway. A woman entered the room, wearing nothing but a short nightgown. "You coming back to bed?"

"In a bit, Angela," he told her. "Get some sleep." She left back to the bedroom, and Lily was now glaring at Barney, all sympathy gone from her eyes.

"Are you using your wedding ring as a way to pick up chicks?" she growled. "What, are you telling them your wife is out of town, and you don't get the loving you need from her, so you need it from someone else?"

Barney whistled. "Actually, that sounds like a pretty sweet play."

"Barney…"

He groaned. "No. When she fell asleep, I just slipped the ring on. I do that sometimes, okay? It helps."

"Don't you see how sad this is?"

"Don't you think I know that?" He didn't need Lily reminding him that with each girl he slept with he felt more and more alone, and he definitely didn't need her to remind him how pathetic he was. He was wearing his wedding ring, and the woman he was married to was going on a plane out of the country for who knows how long. He was pretty certain he knew just how pathetic he really was.

"You should go after her."

"No."

Lily frowned, and it was clear she wasn't going to budge. "Barney Stinson, I know for a fact that Robin is not over you either, and you need to stop being so stubborn or you'll never get her back!"

"Get off my damn back, Lily!" He was lucky to have a soundproof bedroom, which he put in case he had a girl in the bedroom when another was in the living room. Angela would've been up in a second if his voice could carry. "I'm done! It's over!" He took a shuddering breath. "It's over," he repeated, softer this time. He looked at his left hand, at the glittering ring that proved his love for Robin was far stronger than any affection he had for any other girl, and tore it off his finger. Before Lily could stop him, he went onto the balcony and chucked it as far as he could.

"Barney!" Lily shouted, running after him and leaning across the balcony to see where it fell. "What the hell was that?"

"Go home, Lily." He grinned. "I've got company." He brushed past her and went into the bedroom where Angela was waiting with a smile on her face. He was glad to see she hadn't gone back to sleep because right now, he _really_ needed the company.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Robin was glad when she was in London. The plane ride was maddening because she was alone with her thoughts. She tried to engage with the woman sitting next to her, but she was uninterested, shoving her earphones in her ears to block Robin out. Now that she was in the city, she was able to meet the assistant that would be taking care of her during her time here. And luckily for her, he was pretty handsome.

"If there is anything you need, Ms. Scherbatsky, just let me know," David told her. He had a nice smile, she noticed. His eyes crinkled, and his dimples became more pronounced.

"I'll be sure to do that."

He took her luggage to her suite and opened the door, allowing her first entrance. She had gotten used to staying in suites for her job, but she always liked seeing the rooms. She had a lovely view of the London eye from her window. David followed her into the room, carrying her suitcases.

"Here is your room key," he said, handing it to her. "Now, if there's nothing else you need, I'll be back in the morning to take you to the mall you'll be reporting." If it was Barney, he certainly would've laughed, but David kept a straight face; he had no idea about her popstar status. She kind of wished he did, though, so they could make fun of it.

David was about to leave when Robin stopped him. "Do you want to get some dinner?" she asked. David seemed stunned by her question. If she was by herself until the next morning, she would certainly lose her mind. "I don't know anyone here."

"That sounds lovely, Ms. Scherbatsky. I'll collect you in a few hours, then."

"Great."

He left the room, shutting the door on the way out, and Robin collapsed onto the sofa with a loud sigh.

David returned to her room, as promised, a few hours later. He was dressed rather nicely, and so was Robin. She didn't know why she was dressing like she was going out on a date, but it made her feel better, so that was a pretty good reason.

"Do you have any suggestions on where to eat?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered. "There's a restaurant just down the street. It's called "Mally's." It's not horribly fancy, but I've taken a few of my girlfriends there."

"Do you have a girlfriend now?" she asked before she could stop herself. She wasn't surprised that he was taken aback.

"...No," he ended up saying. "My last relationship ended a few months back." She saw him eye her left hand, more specifically, her ring finger. "I can see that something ended for you as well."

Robin covered her ring finger with her right hand, feeling even more awkward. "Yeah. It's been a few months for me, too. We're still friends, though." Could she really make that assumption, though? Sure, the last time she saw Barney, they were getting along, but it turned weird too fast for her taste. Not to mention, she was sure Barney was still hurting over the way she rejected him. She wasn't sure she could even call what she and Barney had a "friendship" anymore. They only hung out if the others were there. It was like they were unhappy parents staying for their children's sake.

David nodded. "You're lucky. Helen and I did not end on good terms." He paused. "It might have to do with the fact that she was sleeping with my roommate. I apologize, Ms. Scherbatsky. You don't want to hear about my personal problems."

"It's fine," she assured him. "I've been a bit stressed, so it's nice to talk to someone."

When they entered Mally's, the hostess seemed to recognize David at once. Before she saw him, she looked bored, but when she laid her eyes on him, she brightened up. From the way she grinned and fixed her hair with her fingers, Robin could see that she had a thing for him. She tried not to let that bother her.

"David, it's been a while!" She looked at Robin, her smile faltering. "A new girlfriend?"

"Oh, no, Miranda. This is Robin Scherbatsky. I'm her assistant while she's reporting on the new mall."

Miranda's smile widened again now that she saw that Robin was not a threat. "I'll take you to your usual table."

David's usual table was near a large window that offered a nice view of the city. It was shining outside, and Robin couldn't help but smile. It felt so nice not to be in the same city-or the same country-as Barney Stinson. She looked over at David and smiled. She shouldn't feel guilty that she was attracted to him. She needed to move on, and even if it was a fling, it was better than nothing. If Barney could do it, so could she.

"You seem happy," he commented.

"I am. Like I said, it's been stressful, so it's nice to get out."

"Yes," he agreed. He didn't say what was so stressful, but she knew. Even though it had been months ago, Robin was sure he was still suffering from his ex-girlfriend's betrayal. She felt the urge to reach a hand out, but stopped herself. She would have to wait for him to make the first move; there was no chance she was going to make a fool out of herself.

And, thankfully, she didn't have to. After the dinner-which was full of David and Robin making small talk about their jobs-he took her back to her room. There, he gave her a swift peck on the lips, and looked absolutely mortified that he had done that.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Scherbatsky," he said. "After Helen, I guess I've been feeling lonely, and I had such a lovely time tonight, and I…"

Robin quieted him with another kiss. "I know the feeling." She opened the door to her room and took his hand, leading him inside. If Barney could do it, there was no reason she couldn't, too.

* * *

"Oh, Robin texted," Lily said one day at Maclaren's. Barney tried not to seem interested, but he found herself craning his neck to see the message. "Her report is going to be on here soon. We should go watch it."

Barney shrugged. "It's just a mall. If she was decked out in her Robin Sparkles gear, maybe…"

"You don't have to," Marshall said. "But, we're going to."

"No one's stopping you."

"You want to watch it."

"No, I don't, Marshall."

Marshall grinned. "Sure, you do."

"Alright, fine! I'll watch it if you're going to keep harping on about it."

Lily rolled her eyes with a chuckle. Then, her phone chimed again, and her eyes scanned the message. The smile faded from her face, and she looked up at Barney.

"What is it?" he asked.

She smiled again, though this time, he could tell it was forced. "Oh, nothing at all!"

Barney pursed his lips, his curiosity getting the better of him. He tried to grab her phone, but Lily snatched it away at the last second. He huffed and pretended he didn't care anymore. When Lily let her guard down, his hand reached out and grabbed her phone. He smirked at her appalled expression and looked at the message. It was a photo of Robin and some sandy haired guy with a nice smile. Underneath the photo, it read "This is David, my assistant. Well, it's been a lot more than assistant lately. ;) Don't show Barney this, okay?"

Barney stared at the image, his heart feeling very heavy all of a sudden. He let out a derisive laugh and handed the phone back to Lily.

"You okay?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, fine." He got up from the booth and approached a random girl sitting at the bar. She was pretty with long red hair. "Hey, you looking for a good time?" he asked as smoothly as he could. Normally, he would've put a little more effort in picking a girl up, but it didn't matter right now. Besides, the redhead smiled and said, "Sure."

* * *

After his tryst with the redhead-which wasn't all that great, he had to admit-Barney went to Lily and Marshall's. Ted and Tracy were already there with Penny, ready to watch Robin's news report. Barney sat down in the chair while the happy couples occupied the sofa. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped his lips as the sight.

"Today is the grand opening of the new Caster Mall," Robin was saying. There were many people in the background, most of which were waving or making faces at the camera. Robin was grinning; he wondered if she and David had sex right before this report. "It holds over 150 stores that will appeal to men, women, and children of all ages. In honor of the mall opening, many stores are offering promotions to their first hundred customers." She glanced around and smiled. "Judging by the crowd here, I don't think these promotions are in effect any longer. Caster Mall promises to be the place to go for movies, shopping, and dining, so I only have one thing to say to you viewers: 'Let's go to the mall."' She winked at the camera. Barney felt a smile tug on his lips.

"Well, that was great," Tracy said. "It looks like Robin was having fun."

"It wasn't for reporting about a mall, believe me," Ted answered. "I think she's glad to have something to do."

Barney shuddered. "Have some decency, Mosby!" He shouted. Penny began to cry.

"What is your problem?"

"You! You're so vulgar."

Ted's mouth dropped open. "I'm vulgar? Me?"

"Barney, cut it out," Lily said. "He's upset. Robin's been seeing her assistant in London."

"Oh. Sorry, buddy."

"I'm not upset. Why should I be upset? We're not together. She can sleep with anyone. I don't care!"

Barney looked at the screen. The news report was still going even though Robin was no longer reporting. The cameraman was just getting shots of all those who came to the mall. He could see Robin in one of the shots. She was holding hands with a sandy haired man he knew to be her assistant. She was grinning, like she had never been happier. Barney shoved his hand into his pocket until he remembered that he didn't have his wedding ring. It was lying in some gutter in New York.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

When Robin was going to return to New York, Barney actually felt excited. They had their time to get over things, and they could both move on with their lives. Except, he wasn't actually excited about that. He was excited because it meant that David was out of the picture. He lived in London, and he had a job in London, and Robin was coming back to New York without him. At least, that was what Barney thought.

Robin arrived at Maclaren's with that jerk at her side. He was even more handsome in person, and he seemed like the type of guy who knew it, too.

"This is David," she introduced. "David, this is Ted, Tracy, Lily, Marshall, and Barney."

"The ex?" he asked, but he didn't sound worried.

"Yep."

"Sorry." He didn't sound sorry. He sounded smug. Barney wanted to punch him in his perfect face.

"Why are you sorry? I don't care."

"You don't?" Robin asked.

"No, I don't. In fact, I'm seeing someone." He didn't know why he said that. He was just feeling down because of David, and he didn't want any sympathy. Still, it was a pretty stupid to thing to say because they were going to ask questions.

"Really?" Lily asked. She sounded unconvinced. "What's her name?"

Barney said the first name that popped into his head, "Gayle." That was the name of the redhead he slept with a few days ago, and luckily, he happened to spot her by the bar. "In fact, she's over there." He got out of the booth, nearly knocking David down in the process, and approached her. "Hey."

"Oh, hey," she said, surprised to see him.

"You want to go out in a bit?"

"Listen, Barney, I just wanted one night. I don't…"

"Gayle, my ex-wife is over there," he said, jerking his head toward Robin. "She's with her new guy, and I feel… not so great. I kind of told her I was seeing you. So, if you could play along, that'd be great."

Gayle studied him for a moment before smiling softly. "Alright."

"Thank you. And if you're in the mood for a good time…" He winked.

"Let's just stick with fake dating, okay?"

Was she dissatisfied with his performance the night they were together? He tried his best not to look offended. It didn't really matter if they slept with each other again or not. This was just a way to show Robin that he didn't care she was going out with that prettyboy.

"Hey, guys!" Barney said with his arm around Gayle. "This is Gayle."

"Hi." Gayle smiled.

"Didn't you guys meet, like, three days ago?" Lily asked.

"So, what?" Barney demanded. "Didn't you start sucking face with Marshall the day you met?"

"I wish," Marshall murmured as Lily's mouth fell open in offense.

"It's nice to meet you, Gayle," Robin said politely. "Your hair is gorgeous." It was a dark copper color, a little darker than Lily's. While Lily wore her hair straight down to day, Gayle opted for a side ponytail that fell across her right shoulder.

"Oh, thank you."

Barney pulled her to him. "Yes, she's gorgeous, in every way." He leaned in slowly, waiting to see if she was going to play along. Luckily, she leaned in as well, allowing him to kiss her.

* * *

Robin was glad Barney had someone. Gayle seemed like a really nice person, and she was beautiful, too. When Lily said they had met only three days ago, she bet their relationship started in the bedroom. She wasn't disturbed by that. After all, that was how her relationship with David started.

Except, she was disturbed. Not how their relationship started, but that it started at all. She shouldn't be feeling like this. She was quite happy with David. He was attentive and funny and very good in bed. He was just what she needed. So, why did she hate the way Barney was looking at Gayle? He had his arm around her, and he was gazing at her like they were the only two people in the world, like she was the most precious thing in his life. He used to look at her like that…

 _Stop it_ , she told herself firmly. She was over this. She _had_ to be over this.

In an effort to rid herself of lingering feelings for Barney, Robin pressed her body against David. He seemed confused, but then he smiled and kiss her hair. Robin felt a smile tug at her lips, and she found herself looking at Barney out of the corner of her eye to see if he noticed. He didn't; his eyes were on Gayle.

* * *

"I saw you," Lily said when she and Robin made a date to go shopping. Robin, who was looking through a rack of jackets, looked at her friend, questioning what she meant. "At Maclaren's the other day. You and David were cozying up, but you were looking at Barney."

Robin sighed and pulled a jacket off the rack more forcefully than she meant to. The garment fell off the hanger and onto the floor. She bent down to pick it up, wondering if she should deny Lily's accusations or tell her to mind her business. When she got back to her feet, she put the jacket back on the rack. It wasn't even one she was interested in. It was too itchy and fuzzy and frumpy. Who in their right mind would wear something like that?

Robin decided to just ignore the question. "Look at this," she said. "What a mess."

"Yeah, it's disgusting," Lily agreed, and for one, foolish moment, Robin thought she was off the hook. "So, I saw you."

"What, I can't look at anyone now?"

"I'm not saying that. But, your gaze did flicker up to him more than a few times." She pursed her lips as she looked through the jackets, her fingers running over the fabric of a few. "I don't know… It was as though you wanted to see if he was affected by it."

Robin squeezed the sleeve of the jacket she had chosen; it was actually one she was interested in. It certainly wasn't intentional, her looking in Barney's direction. Though at that moment, she felt upset about him and Gayle, she was fine now. She was sure Barney was the same way when he found out about David, and it was obvious he was fine, too. Everything was fine, and she hated that Lily wanted to make it more than it was.

"Lily, it's nothing," she said.

"It didn't seem that way…"

Robin had started to pull the garment, and she had to stop herself before tearing anything. "For god's sake, would you leave it alone?" She asked loudly, causing the eyes of every other person in the store to snap in their directions. "Are you really seeing these things, Lily? Or are you trying to create some scenario so you can 'fix it' or gossip to Marshall about it?" Lily was stunned by Robin's sudden outburst, but Robin was so angry that she didn't feel any guilt.

It was only when she saw Lily's shocked expression turn into a frown did she realize what she had done. Lily put her clothes back on the rack and said, "I'm sorry, Robin. I just wanted to help." She walked away to the exit, but before leaving the store, she turned to her friend and said, "By the way, Barney threw his wedding ring off his balcony." Robin stood frozen to the spot.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Barney got the feeling that either Gayle was really committed to this role, or she was actually developing feelings for him. She often phoned him and talked about pretty much anything that popped into her head. She told him she missed him and couldn't wait to see him again. Whatever the case, it was starting to become uncomfortable. He had hoped that, in time, the 'acting' would turn into reality. Having an actual relationship would really help him get through this, but if anything, he found himself thinking about Robin more than usual.

"Hey, darling," Gayle said, squeezing next to Barney in the booth. He was the only one at Maclaren's at the moment, and for some reason, Gayle scooted so close to him, her hand was on his knee.

"You know, there's no one here."

Gayle laughed softly into his ear. "I know that, silly."

"There's no reason for you to be this close."

She pulled back slightly and frowned. "We're still pretending?"

Barney's eyes widened. So, she actually did have feelings for him. Perhaps this was the best time to tell her that, though he appreciated all she did, he didn't exactly feel the same way. He would have told her, except that was the moment Robin and her beau decided to enter the bar. Barney turned to Gayle and grinned. "I'm just playing with you."

Gayle let out a sigh of relief. "For a moment there, I thought you were going to dump me."

Barney chuckled, pressing his lips to hers. "Now, why would I do such a thing?"

"Hey, guys," Robin said, slipping into the booth across from Barney. "Don't you two look adorable?" Was it Barney's imagination, or did he notice a strained edge in her voice?

"Almost as adorable as you and David," Barney replied, certain that there was no way Robin could miss the bitterness in his voice. "So, what do you do about work?" He asked David.

"Well, it's my time off," he answered, and Barney gave himself a mental high five, knowing that once the vacation was over, David would be back on a plane to London. "But, I'm requesting to become Robin's personal assistant." He grinned at her, and she laughed.

Barney let out a breath. "So, you're staying, and you're going to travel with Robin?"

"I hope so. Details aren't hashed out yet, but it's looking good."

"It's romantic, really," Robin said, kissing his cheek.

Barney resisted the urge to confront her. So, it was perfectly fine for David to follow her, but when he said he would, she shot him down. Did she have more faith in David than she had in him? Did she think David loved her more than Barney did? The thought stung.

"That is romantic," Gayle gushed, planting her elbows on the table and resting her face in her hands. She was grinning. "You'd do something like that for me, wouldn't you, Barney?"

Barney took a long drink and set the near empty glass on the table. He didn't even look at Gayle; he was looking at Robin. Neither Gayle nor David seemed to notice the intense way their lovers were looking at each other.

"Of course," Barney answered softly. "I would follow you anywhere."

Robin's lips parted slightly, and she was the first to break eye contact. Apparently, the napkin on the table was far more interesting.

"Oh, you're so cute!" Gayle laughed.

Barney smiled thinly and finally dropped his gaze.

* * *

It shouldn't have been a big deal that Barney tossed his wedding ring. They weren't married, so he wasn't obligated to keep it. Yet, when Lily told Robin how he had thrown it off the balcony, she was caught off guard. She almost called out to Lily, demanding to know what had happened, but after what she said to her friend, Robin didn't think she had any right.

She hadn't seen Lily since that day nearly a week ago, and it sucked. She thought that since she was living in New York again, she would get to reconcile with the friends she hadn't seen in so long. That would've happened if she hadn't been so uptight about her divorce and her lingering feelings for Barney, something that Lily totally caught on even if Robin wasn't ready to admit it.

And now things were even more complicated. When Barney looked at her at Maclaren's the day before, her heart nearly stopped. She wanted- _needed-_ to talk to Lily, but she wasn't sure her friend would want to see her after what she said to her.

Robin sighed. David was staying with her, but he wasn't there at the moment. He said something about calling about getting the job as her personal assistant. She didn't know why he couldn't have just called at her place, but she was glad he left. She didn't need her current boyfriend around while she was pulling her wedding ring out of her jewelry box.

The band lay in her palm of her right hand, and she touched it gingerly, as though afraid it was going to disappear. Maybe she should throw hers away, too. She really should. Except, the thought of getting rid of it made her nervous. She may not be married anymore, but the ring was a symbol of the love she and Barney shared. The love they continued to share, even if they couldn't be together anymore.

Robin pocketed the ring, grabbed her purse, left her apartment, and went to Lily and Marshall's. If she was turned away, so be it.

"Robin." Lily sounded surprised.

"I'm sorry," Robin replied at once. "I shouldn't have said that because… you're right. I was just upset and confused and angry."

"Come in."

As soon as Robin entered the apartment-which was filled with boxes for when Lily and Marshall moved to their new place in only a few days-Lily hugged her.

"You're not angry?" Robin asked.

"I was, but I understand."

"I still love him, Lily."

"I know."

"Damn it," she whispered as tears filled her eyes. She wiped them with her fingers, feeling completely foolish. "And I have feelings for David, too. And Barney? He's with Gayle!"

Lily patted her shoulder comfortingly before pulling away. "You think Barney's in love with Gayle?"

Robin shrugged. "He looked at me in Maclaren's. It was pretty intense. But, I know he likes her, too."

"Robin, Gayle is a cover. He's completely jealous of David."

"I don't know what do." She had never felt more confused than when she was in love with Barney. When he was with Nora, when he was with Quinn, when she thought he was with Patrice, she had so many emotions running through her. She didn't do well with emotions, and thanks to Barney, she had felt more than she ever wanted to in a lifetime.

Lily thumbed away the tears on her cheeks. "You should talk to Barney. Clear the air. No matter how it turns out, you can't leave this hanging between you guys."

Robin wasn't looking forward to that, but she did want to make things clear. She knew Barney loved her-he always would, she was sure-but she absolutely needed to be clear where he stood concerning them. Only then would she be able to move on.

* * *

"Yes, Gayle," Barney said, sounding weary. She didn't pick up on that, though, because she continued to talk at a rapid pace. "A trip to the Hamptons sounds wonderful."

"You think so? It'll be so romantic. Oh, I'm so glad you convinced me to pretend date you because it feels so right! Don't you think?"

"Yeah. Listen," he said when he heard her take a breath which meant she was going to go on another two minute speech about how amazing they were together. "I have to get going."

"Oh." She sounded disappointed. "I'll see you tomorrow, and we can go over the details."

"Sounds great." Before she could tell him she loved him, he ended the call. If he allowed her to tell him that, she would've been suspicious when he didn't say it back. He never said it back, and he could tell she was starting to wonder.

Before things got any more serious, he would have to see Lily. He glanced at the clock. It was only about 4:00. She should be home, and she would be more than willing to listen to him. He had to tell her about the issue with Gayle, certainly, but he really wanted to talk about the brief, yet intense moment between him and Robin at Maclaren's. It baffled him that she would doubt his devotion to her. Sure, he did throw his wedding ring out, claiming it was over, but he had spent days looking for it, but to no avail.

Barney got up from the couch and strode to the door. As soon as he opened it, he saw Robin standing there, with her fist raised as though she were going to knock.

"Robin."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Robin stood there, saying nothing. Barney was starting to wonder if she was really there, or if she was just some figment of his imagination. Slowly, her gaze dropped, and she opened her mouth, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." Barney opened the door for her and stepped to the side as she walked into his apartment. He noticed her glance around, an expression of what looked like sadness on her face. Was she remembering their times in here? Like the time they came home really late from Marshall and Lily's, and they were exhausted. They didn't even bother changing their clothes before they collapsed onto the bed. They didn't sleep much that night, but they didn't sleep together either. Robin just cuddled up against him as she kicked off her heels, and Barney buried his nose into her hair. They loved seeing their friends, but they loved being alone together, and just holding her made Barney happier than he had ever been. He wanted that again.

"Do you want a drink?" he asked lamely, seeing that Robin wasn't about to talk.

"No, I'm fine, thanks." He watched her walk towards the windows, her back to him. He didn't follow her. "How's Gayle?" she asked.

"She's fine."

Robin ran her fingers through her hair. It was shorter than when she left for London. He had spent so much time trying to forget about her and the pain that came along with loving her that he hadn't noticed. It was a good look on her. He wondered if he should point it out in order to ease some of the tension.

"You love her, don't you?" She asked before he could.

"Yeah," he lied.

"That's great. I'm glad you found someone."

"Robin, why are you here?"

She turned to face him. "I just wanted to see how you were. Is that wrong?"

Barney felt a surge of irritation and disappointment run through him. Was that really why she was here, to see if he was happy? Did she think that he was incapable of moving on? That he was still holding onto the hope that they could be together? He had no reason to feel annoyed, though; he was doing exactly that.

"What, do you think I can't find someone else?" he asked, louder than he meant to, unable to keep his anger in check, even though he had no reason to feel this way. "Do you think I'm miserable and pining for you? Because I'm not!"

Robin's mouth dropped open. "I never said that, Barney!"

"You didn't have to. You could easily see how I was in the bar. Why did you have to come here and ask me? Do you believe I'm just killing myself over my feelings for you?" He needed to stop, but he couldn't lower his voice. He was angry and upset. He didn't want her to feel sorry for him. He wanted her to love him like she used to. "That's over! You've made that very clear. And you know what? I accept it. In fact, you should know that I threw my wedding ring off my balcony."

"I know that," she said softly. "Lily told me."

Barney wasn't surprised. "Then, you should I'm perfectly happy with my life right now. Just as you are. David's the one, I can tell. Why else would you not give a damn that _he_ would follow you?" Robin bit her lip, saying nothing. "It makes sense. I wasn't the one you were meant to be with it, and you knew it."

"Barney, stop."

"Why should I?"

"Because I don't love David!"

Barney was taken aback. His anger seemed to fade, and he couldn't think of a word to say to her.

"I said those things to him because I didn't know what to say." She sighed heavily through her nostrils, her shoulders heaving. "I said it because the idea of him following me and becoming unhappy and us breaking up didn't disturb me. And it's a horrible thing to say because he's a great guy, but with you…" She stopped and gazed at Barney, as though she wanted him to interrupt her, but he wouldn't. "I can't stand the idea that if we do this again, you'll be unhappy again, and we'll be right where we started." She had tried so hard not to cry, but Barney could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"I wasn't unhappy."

"Don't lie to me."

She could always read him like a book. "It was stressful, and at times, I was unhappy. But, I was never unhappy being with you. I was unhappy when I wasn't with you, when your job took up so much of your time we barely had any time for each other. But, that's what I love about you. I don't expect you to choose me over your job. I would never expect that." He went silent, thinking over his next words. "Were you unhappy?" He held his breath, hoping the answer wouldn't kill him.

Slowly, Robin shook her head. "Only for the same reasons. I love my job, and I love you. Sometimes the job got to be too much. But, I wouldn't give it up."

"If you did, I'd be so pissed off," he said with a slight smile that he was glad to see Robin return.

He never thought Robin could look more beautiful than she already was, but at that moment, there was something so intoxicating about her. In one swift step, he was inches from her, his heart pounding against his chest.

"Barney?"

"I don't love Gayle. Never did. I just didn't want you feeling sorry for me." He leaned closer to her, half expecting her to pull away or tell him 'no.' But, she didn't. In fact, her lips parted as he got closer, and before he could stop himself, before he could realize that they had gone down that road before while dating other people, his lips were on hers.

He thought their kiss at her apartment over a month ago was intense, but it had nothing on this. This felt as though that they would never see each other again, as though the world was about to end. In Barney's opinion, not seeing Robin was just as bad, if not worse.

Her mouth was warm, and her hands were tugging at the lapels of his jacket. She had as much pent up passion as he did. And what made it better was the fact that this passion was purely for him, just as his was for hers. They hadn't been sexually starved-they had Gayle and David to satisfy those needs-but they were starved for each other. He could feel Robin's hands moving to his belt buckle, only confirming this.

Barney managed to pull away from her for a brief moment to say, "Bedroom?" before Robin put one hand on his tie and pulled him back for a kiss.

They stumbled into Barney's bedroom, falling against the soft bed together. Barney's fingers tangled themselves in her hair while Robin pulled the belt free and tossed it to the floor.

"Don't tease," Barney said, his voice soft and pleading, as he felt Robin's hand ghost over the crotch of his pants, which only made the garment feel even tighter.

Their clothes were quickly discarded, and when they became one, Barney could see stars in his eyes. It never ceased to amaze him how Robin had this effect. Every time they made love, it felt as though it was their first time. And that was what he adored. It wasn't just sex, not like it was with the countless other women he had been with. It was love, simple as that.

"Barney…"

When he climaxed, he sighed out her name against the warm skin of her neck, his heart pounding frantically. He could feels that hers was as well.

Once he had come down from his high, he opened his eyes and saw her lips curled in a smile. He returned the sentiment, his hand reaching down to caress her cheek.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you, too. So much."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Barney slept better than he had in months. Dealing with his divorce, his lingering feelings for Robin, and his fake relationship with Gayle made it nearly impossible for him to fall asleep, and he often found himself staring at the ceiling until exhaustion finally won out, which was generally only for a couple of hours. Now, though, he felt at peace. And Robin did, too; she was sleeping soundly with her head against his chest. He wondered if she could hear his steady heartbeat.

He groaned when his phone started ringing, causing Robin to wake up. "Sorry," he muttered to her as he grabbed his phone from the nightstand. "Yeah?"

"Barney, Lily's in labor," Marshall said.

"Really?"

"Yeah! Can you get to the hospital?"

"Yeah. We'll be right there."

Marshall paused. "'We?'" He asked in a teasing tone.

"Shut up, Eriksen." Barney hung up and turned to Robin who was sitting upright and running her fingers through her hair. "Lily's in labor."

Robin smiled. "That's great! We better get dressed, then."

Barney nodded. He wasn't sure if he should lean forward to kiss her. No matter what they're relationship was, it was still an awkward situation, considering they had just cheated on their significant others. Funny how history repeated himself, he thought.

Luckily, Robin was the one who had the guts to lean in. She kissed his lips lightly, and he felt a small smile.

They reached the hospital while Lily was, gripping her bed and attempting to keep her breathing steady. Her face was nearly as red as her hair. Marshall tried to comfort her, but her glare made him shrink back.

"Hey, guys," Marshall said as Robin went over to Lily's side. Though he was just scared a moment ago, he smirked. "You might want to check that tie, Barney."

Barney rolled his eyes and quickly fixed his tie which he had tied hastily on their way to get out of the apartment.

"So… wanna talk about it?"

"Your wife is in labor, and you want to talk about my sex life?"

"Well, she won't let me near her. So…?"

Barney felt the skin underneath his collar grow hot. Marshall was so used to him bragging about his sexual adventures, but with Robin, it felt different. He looked over at Robin; she was holding Lily's hand, talking in hushed tones that made the woman look a little more relaxed even though a child was going to force its way out of her. His stomach churned, not unpleasantly.

"It was nice," he finally said.

He felt Marshall's hand on his back. "Glad to hear it."

The doctor entered the room at that moment. It wasn't Barney's doppelganger, but a doctor with a braid falling down her back. "Okay, Lily…" She sat in front of the bed. "Let's take a look."

"Robin, let's go wait outside," Barney called before the doctor could lift the sheet, and he would see more of Lily than he wanted to at the moment.

"Okay." Robin kissed Lily's forehead and left with Barney. "She's a trooper, that one."

"Yeah. You alright?" He asked when she sighed.

Robin nodded. "I'm fine." Something was bothering her. Barney put his arm around her shoulder. "I'm just thinking about David. We'll probably have to tell them tomorrow."

"Right. Are we really doing this?"

Robin shifted to face him. "Of course we are. Are you having second thoughts?"

"Are you?" He shot back. "You're not going to back out at the last minute?"

She frowned. "Why are you throwing that in my face? Now?" She gestured to the closed door where they could vaguely hear Lily's screams.

"You're the one who brought up telling David and Gayle."

"Because we have to."

"I'm not saying we don't… it's…!"

"Excuse me?" a nurse asked, walking towards them. "I'm going to have ask you to go into the waiting room. Please, try to be quiet."

As soon as Barney and Robin went to the waiting room, the argument started again, but much quieter.

"Why are you being a jerk?" She hissed.

"I can't go through that again. I just want to be sure this is what you want." He put his hands on her shoulders, and she looked straight into his eyes. "Please, tell me you want this." His tone was desperate, but he didn't care.

"Yes." There wasn't any hesitation in her voice.

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Broom closet?"

"Barney!"

"Can't blame a guy for trying."

Robin smiled and shook his head. "You're an idiot." And he leaned in to capture her lips, her sweet, wonderful lips.

"What is this?" Ted asked suddenly.

"Damn, Ted; can't we have some privacy here?" Barney asked.

"You're standing in a waiting room of a hospital filled with people. But never mind that. What is this?" He asked again, gesturing to the couple.

"We'll explain in a few days," Robin said.

"I think I know," Tracy said. "But, I'll let you two do the talking." She shot Ted a look when it seemed as though he was going to open his mouth and ask more questions; Barney smiled gratefully at her. As happy as he was that Robin wanted the same thing, he wouldn't feel comfortable talking about until it actually happened; he learned not to get his hopes up.

Marshall came into the waiting room about half an hour later. He had a huge grin on his face as he delivered the news, "It's a girl."

"Alright, buddy!" Ted jumped from his seat to embrace Marshall. "Can we go see Lily?"

"Yeah." He led them to the delivery room where Lily-her red hair was sticking to her sweaty face-was beaming, though she looked unbelievably exhausted. Barney couldn't really blame her seeing as she pushed a kid out of her, for the third time.

"Here's your daughter," a nurse said, handing Lily a squalling, pink faced baby.

"Hey," Lily said softly, peering into the baby's face. "I'm your mommy."

"And I'm your daddy."

"Ew." Lily looked up at Marshall. "Don't… don't say that."

"What's her name?" Robin asked.

"Daphne," Marshall answered.

"You named her after that lady you traveled with to our wedding?" Barney exclaimed.

"She was bad-ass!"

Barney held up his hands in self defense. "I'm sure she was."

Robin smiled. "She looks like you, Lily." Lily grinned in response, probably pleased since Marvin and Daisy had Marshall's hair and smile. Barney could definitely see the resemblance to Lily in Daphne's small face and the thin red hair sprouting from her head.

Suddenly, music started coming from Robin's pocket. She apologized and fished out her phone. "It's David," she announced, going outside to take the call. Barney resisted the urge to follow her. Even though it might be better to tell him in person, he wouldn't have minded if she told him right now. Or at least arranged to meet so she can get it over with.

"Do you have everything settled at your new place?" Tracy asked.

"Just about," Marshall said. "The beds and all that are set up, but we still have paintings and other furniture. You guys should come over in a few weeks. You know, once Lily and the baby had some time to rest."

"Of course. You remember when I had Penny?" she asked Ted. "God, I was so weak."

Ted put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "You're the strongest person I know."

Tracy rolled her eyes. "Well, I can kick your ass at arm wrestling." Ted made a face, and Barney laughed gleefully.

"I think a contest is in order," he announced.

"Shut up, Stinson."

Robin entered the room; she wore a frown. "Uh, Barney, can I talk to you?" She gestured for him to follow her, so he shrugged at the others and went outside with her. He tried to remain casual, but in truth, his stomach was twisting. Robin looked so serious, and he couldn't imagine what she had to say. Did David propose to her? Did she say yes? Did she say she'd think about it? He did seem like the guy to propose over the phone. Okay, he was going to make himself sick.

"We can't tell them," she said.

Great. He proposed. "Why?"

"David's mom just died."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, but what's it got to do with us?"

"Barney!"

"What? I'm just being honest here."

Robin sighed and shook her head. "He grieving. I can't tell him I cheated on him and want to break up. That's just crappy timing."

"So when's good timing? After his mom is buried? After he's had time to get over her death? Because no one's going to get over their mom's death in less than a year. You want me to wait a year?" Robin didn't answer; she didn't even look him in the eye. "Robin, are you kidding me?"

"Excuse me," the same nurse from before approached them. "I don't know why you two like to get into arguments in front of doors where people trying to rest, but I think you should just leave."

"Fine. Let's go." He took Robin's arm and led her outside, despite her protests that they couldn't leave without telling the others. He sent them a short text message. "Okay, done," he said once they were in the parking lot in front of her car. "Are you fucking with me?"

"What? His mom actually died, Barney."

"I don't doubt that, but it seems to me like you're using that as an excuse not to let this happen."

"You're crazy."

"Am I?" His voice had risen slightly, and it did give the impression that he was crazy, but he didn't care. "Sometimes I get the feeling I love you more than you love me." Robin's mouth dropped open. "Do you want this?" Before she said 'yes' without any second thoughts, but now, he believed she said it so quickly for his benefit. He was sick of her giving him peace of mind only to rip it away moments later.

"According to you, I suppose not," she said angrily. She didn't let him get another word in; she unlocked the car and drove off, leaving him to catch a ride with Ted and Tracy.

 **AN: Of course, I couldn't let them just have their happy ending so quickly, right? Also, if you're wondering where Marvin and Daisy are, Lily's father is taking care of them at their new place. :) I'll be sure to add them in soon. (Not sure how long this story will go, but I feel I have another 3-4 chapters.)**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Of course she wanted this! She had wanted this since they had divorced, but Barney was making this so complicated. Robin couldn't just tell David she had cheated on him, not when he was suffering from the loss of his mother. Why couldn't Barney understand that as much as she loved him, she had no intention of hurting David even more than she had to? Well, it was never easy telling someone you cheated on them, even at the best of times. But, if she told him now, that would kill him! She couldn't do that, and Barney implied that if it was Gayle who had just suffered the loss of a parent, he would've told her anyway. He had no consideration for other people's feelings! Maybe they shouldn't start up again.

Except… Barney always did things for everyone else. He went to San Francisco to ask Lily to come home, so she and Marshall could be happy. He put aside his argument with Ted-getting hit by a bus in the process-to make sure his friend was alright, even though Ted didn't want them there. She was sure his mother lived comfortably because Barney helped her any way he could. And… he comforted Robin after Simon dumped her. He let her go to Japan, even though he loved her. He gave up his super date, so Robin could have it with Don. He planned a Canadian rehearsal dinner because she was upset she couldn't be there. He did these things because he loved all of them, loved her. And now, Barney needed something to make him happy. He didn't want anything to stand in the way of his happiness. Robin understood that.

She pushed her hair out of her eyes, letting out a sigh. And she wanted to be happy, too. Even when she thought she was happy with David, she really wasn't. Barney was always on her mind. When she did a news report, when she was going about her day in the most mundane ways, and even when she was intimate with David. David was good, she wouldn't deny that, but he wasn't Barney. Barney knew how to make her arch her neck back in pleasure. He knew the ways her body reacted, even when she didn't know it herself. And aside from that compatibility, he was always so loving. She couldn't even begin to imagine the number of times he had ran his fingers through her hair, held her hand, or just looked at her like she was the most precious person in his world.

Robin fished her cellphone out of her purse and scrolled through her contacts until she reached David. She poised her finger over the green phone symbol, ready to call and end it. She would tell him he was sorry, about this and his mother, but she couldn't be with him anymore. Not when she wanted to be with Barney so much.

"Just do it, Scherbatsky." Except, she couldn't do it. Not now, at least. And she had to let Barney know that. Instead of calling David, she pressed Barney's name, and listened to it ring. It rang and rang and rang. She didn't know if he didn't have his phone on him, or if he was ignoring her. She had the feeling it was the latter. He was upset, and the last thing he wanted was to talk to her. She understood that, but she still hoped he would pick up.

"Hey, this is Barney Stinson. I can't come to the phone because I'm being too legend-wait for it-dary! Leave a message."

"Barney, it's Robin," she said after the beep. "I know you're mad, but I need to talk to you. And it's important, so I can't do it here. Please, call me back." She hung up, and stared at her phone, somehow doubting that he would call her back any time soon.

* * *

Barney wasn't surprised that Ted and Tracy started to ask questions as soon as they got into the car. He had tried his best not to look upset, but no matter how awesome he was, Barney couldn't pretend everything was fine. Besides, Tracy was like Lily. She was intuitive, and even if he did put on a brave face, she would've seen past that in an instant.

"So, tell me again," Ted said. "You and Robin slept together?"

Barney groaned. "Yes. Today. Right before Marshall called us."

"And now, it's over?"

"I don't know!"

Ted shot a look at Barney through the rearview mirror. "How do you not know?"

"Ted, I don't think you're listening," Tracy said.

"Thank you. He never listens!" Before Ted could respond, Barney continued, "We said we

would tell our significant others about what happened, and be together again… Except, David's mom died. And Robin doesn't want to drop that bombshell on him because he's grieving."

"Makes sense," Ted commented.

"Oh, shut up. How long is she going to wait? Until he's gotten his mom's death?" He pressed his forehead to the window. "This isn't the first time, you know."

"What do you mean?" Tracy asked.

"A while ago, Robin was dating Kevin, and I was with Nora. And we slipped up. We had plans to tell them. I told Nora, but Robin didn't tell Kevin like I expected. And… god, that moment felt like an eternity."

"Barney," Ted said. "I remember that night. I saw you in her bedroom, cleaning up flowers and candles."

"Yeah." His throat was dry. It happened so long ago, but he could never get over it. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments of his life. "Anyway, what if it happens again? What if she really doesn't want to be with me?"

"Robin loves you," Ted said. "She told me as much."

"I know she loves me. But, is that enough? Does she love me enough to want this?" His phone started to vibrate in his pocket. Barney fished it out, only to see that it was Robin. He grimaced. Was she calling to apologize? To tell him that he was acting like a big baby? There was no way she was calling to change her mind. Robin was the most stubborn person he ever met. Though, that was why he loved her so much.

"Is that her?" Tracy asked.

Barney looked from his vibrating phone to her. "I don't want to talk to her." He put his phone on the seat, and let it go to voicemail. He checked it after it stopped vibrating to see that she left a message, and he was tempted to listen to it. Instead, he gulped down the lump in his throat and put his phone in his pocket.

He could feel Tracy's eyes on him, and slowly, he lifted his head to see that he was right. Her lips were pursed, and he could tell she wanted to say something, but was struggling to either come up with the words or go through with what was in her head.

In the end, she opened her mouth, "I know this isn't my business, but… I think you and Robin really need to sit down and have a discussion."

"We have been, and every time, it seems like we're getting somewhere. But…" He groaned.

Tracy stretched her arm until she was able to pat Barney's knee. "Get some sleep, Barney. Take some time. When you're ready, talk to her." He gulped again. Then, he nodded, and Tracy smiled.

"We're here," Ted announced as they stopped in front of Barney's building.

"Thanks, guys." Barney got out of the backseat and stood at the curb. Ted and Tracy gave him a wave, and he watched as they drove off and turned the corner. He had only been jealous of Ted a handful of times, and those times involved Robin. Now, he was jealous of the wonderful relationship he had, the relationship he hoped that he could have with Robin again. With a heavy sigh, he turned on his heel and walked into his building.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Barney still hadn't called Robin two days later, and she didn't call again. He couldn't help but wonder if she was respecting the distance he put between them, or if she decided he wasn't worth the trouble anymore. When he thought the latter, he would grab his phone and find her name. His finger would hover over the green phone symbol for what seemed like a lifetime before he stuffed his phone back in his pocket. It wasn't really that he didn't want to talk to her. He wanted to clear this all up, but he was afraid of what she might say. He listened to the voicemail, and while he usually could tell what was going on just by a person's tone, he couldn't figure it out with Robin. She had to talk about "something important," and it had to be in person. That meeting could change Barney's life; it could ruin it or it could fix it. And because he didn't know which way it would go, he was terrified. He desperately wanted his life to be fixed, but the idea that it could shatter any further was too much to bear.

The divorce was still fresh in his mind, though it happened months ago. At the courthouse, their eyes had met before signing the document. When he looked at Robin, he wanted her to call it off, to tell him that they could work through it. He wondered if she thought the same thing. And once the divorce was finalized, he smiled at her, told her that it was fine, that he would be fine. And she smiled back, and he wondered if she believed him.

She had moved out days before, and he came home to an empty apartment. And that was where he stayed for a week. He ate whatever he could find, slept only when exhaustion took over. Most of the time, he sat on his sofa with a glass of scotch-the bottle was always in reach-and tried not to cry. He failed many times.

Just as he was failing now.

"Damn it!" He shouted, tossing the glass that held the scotch. It shattered on the floor. As he knelt down to clean up the glass, the tears pricked at his eyes at the same time he cut his hand. Why was it impossible for him to have some shred of happiness? Was this God's revenge for his years of womanizing? Was he destined to be alone for the rest of his miserable life?

Then, there was a knock at his door.

His heart gave a leap. It had to be Robin. If he could just see her face, hear her voice, he would be fine. Well, assuming that her words gave him reason to be happy. He didn't even care that he wasn't ready to see her. He got his feet and rushed to the door. He fumbled for the doorknob, not caring that the blood from his hand stained the knob. Blood, glass, none of that mattered right now.

He grinned as he opened the door, and the grin faded when he saw that it was not Robin, but Gayle. Her red hair was tied in a loose bun, and her ruby-red lips spread across her face.

"Oh, you're alright!" she squealed, wrapping her arms around him. "I haven't seen you in a few days, and I was worried!"

Barney was stunned. His arms hung loosely by his side, unable to hug her back. She pulled away and kissed his nose; her lips felt sticky.

"Hi," he said.

She frowned. "You don't seem well."

He shrugged.

Gayle grabbed his hand, and her eyes widened. "Barney, you're bleeding."

"Am I?" He could barely feel it anymore. He couldn't really feel anything, he realized. Not in his hand, nor for the girl in front of him.

She entered his apartment and went to the bathroom. She returned with rubbing alcohol and bandages. When he stood there, staring at her, she gestured for him to sit down on the sofa.

"Honestly…" She muttered as she began cleaning him up. "What happened?"

"Glass."

"You need to be more careful. Though, I must admit, I do love taking care of you." He watched her bandage the wound. Gayle was gentle. She could make any man happy, and here she was, with a man that only started dating her because he didn't want Robin or anyone else to feel sorry for him. "There." She kissed the bandage.

"Thanks." He remembered when Robin tended to him when he was sick, and most recently, when they were married, he wanted to make her dinner for Valentine's Day. And being the idiot he was, he cut his finger pretty deep. It wasn't so bad that he needed to go to urgent care, but it was bleeding, and it hurt like hell. Robin sprang into action, cleaning him with the same rubbing alcohol and bandages that Gayle was using now. Robin had been so gentle, even though she was teasing him for "being such an idiot." And he gazed at her the entire time. When she finished, she met his eyes, and he grabbed her face and kissed her. They would've made love right then, if the fire alarm hadn't set off the sprinkler system. They collapsed into laughter, and once the oven was turned off, they did make love. It was the best Valentine's Day he ever had.

And that memory triggered something in him. His eyes pricked again, and before he could hold the tears in, they leaked out.

"Barney?" Gayle asked in worry. "Are you in pain?" She reached out for his hand, thinking that the wound was the culprit.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't keep up this charade just because he couldn't be alone. Back then, he assumed she would tell Kevin, but now, he knew there was little chance she would tell David. Yet, he still couldn't pretend to love Gayle any longer.

"I can't do this," he said softly.

"Do what?" She stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry. We have to break up."

"What?"

"I'm still in love with my ex-wife."

"And her? Does she love you?"

She did. He knew she did. But, he wasn't sure it was enough to bring them together again. "I don't care. I'm a mess. I can't stop thinking about her." He hesitated before saying, "I slept with her a few days ago."

Gayle's eyes widened. "You what?"

"I'm sorry."

He wasn't surprised that her palm came across his face. He wasn't surprised that she got up from the sofa, pulled the door open, took one hateful look at him and said, "Fuck you, Barney Stinson," before leaving the apartment and slamming the door shut.

He wished he could feel worse about it. He wished he could shut out his feelings for Robin as easily as he did with the countless other girls he seduced. He looked down at his bandaged hand and thought he should clean up the rest of the glass. As he made his way to the kitchen, though, that thought flew out of his head when he spotted the scotch bottle on the counter. He snatched it and downed the remainder.


End file.
